5 Headed Shark Attack (2017) Reviews

• Not even so bad that it's good

  daryahorenko2018-06-05

  The basic story of this movie is exactly what you expect from the title, a five-headed shark is attacking people on the coast of an island, except that there's a stupid twist that the shark is shown to have four heads throughout half of the movie until we see that its fin is a fifth head, which makes this movie even more stupid. This is a terrible movie with terrible dialog. There's one scene though that's so bad that it's good. The boat of the team trying to kill the shark is disabled and a helicopter is coming to rescue them and as it arrives, the shark jumps out of the water straight up into the air, grabs the helicopter with its jaws and pulls it into the water, which was ridiculous. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie isn't that entertaining. I know that this movie is not meant to be taken seriously, but the shark showed up way way too early and it's in the movie way too much. Every single one of the "characters" is stupid. In the beginning we see the policeman scrolling through photos on a camera and he doesn't even notice the picture of the five-headed shark at first. They're so dumb that they even visit our marine biologists to find out if multi-headed sharks can exist. Our main character, one of the marine biologists, whose friend has just been killed by the shark in front of her eyes changes her mind about not going out into the water again for no reason and decides that she wants to study the shark despite what just happened. And she just happens to know a fisherman who has advanced weapons to... I guess to kill big fish, who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend and the romance concludes as stupidly as it was set up because they decide they want to marry after killing the shark even though they only knew each other again for like one day. That guy might be the worst character in the movie. Not only is he sexist, he also says words like "yo" and "boom" all the time. The whole team is stupid. They should never have let the head of the research team on the boat again because he was responsible for the first shark attack even being possible. All of the acting is terrible. Especially the policeman has terrible line delivery, but in a movie like this it really doesn't let him stand out from the crowd because everyone is at this level. I'm surprised to say that the quality of the shots above the water is actually not that bad but the CGI destroys that only redeeming quality. The CGI water looks fake and the shark looks atrocious. The attack scenes are terrible, nothing about them looks real. When the camera is underwater you can totally tell that it's all done on a computer and the few halfway-underwater shots are somehow even worse. The opening credit sequence with the over-the-top music was stupid and abrupt. Everything is edited so awkwardly. And the shark can growl like the one in "Jaws: The Revenge"...

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• Title Says it All

  BryGuySaysHi2017-07-30

  You know this movie is going to be ridiculous before you decide watching it. It's that kind of movie that you watch just to laugh at, sort of like Sharknado. Pros: Cons:

• " This just happened "

  Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki2017-07-30

  Five writers ( ! ) all worked separately on this genetically mutated sequel about a five-headed shark attacking locals in Puerto Rico, and marine biologists and Quint-lite are all drafted to hunt it down. After two of their number ( Sean and Lindsay, their names are repeated numerous times ) are killed by sharkzilla, it becomes personal, and the plot goes into revenge territory. It takes them a while to find it, because in most of the close-up shots of them on their boat, they don't appear to be moving. When they do eventually find it, the shark flickers and jumps, from what looks like missing frames, and sluggish CGI, and they decide to play pre-recorded dolphin sounds, to annoy it to death. This doesn't have the same imbecilic character behaviour as its predesessors ( 2 Headed Shark Attack, and 3 headed Shark Attack ) , which makes me think the writers took this more seriously than the writers of the unapologetically stupid original film did, but the problem is that it robbed this film of any​ potential unintentional laughs. In the final act, I was more distracted by the constantly changing storm clouds in the background, than anything.

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• Five heads are better than one.

  duii2017-08-04

  By the numbers multi-head creature feature. Movie poster is not accurate. Shark has four heads in front; one on it's hind quarters. The rear head never eats anything. All five heads are angry though. Shark appears bullet proof. Insatiable appetite for twenty somethings and, ironically, a helicopter.

• You won't miss a classic if you avoid this.

  one-nine-eighty2018-02-12

  I've seen some reviews that give this a 10/10 or say that this is the scariest thing they have seen (scarier than "Silence of the Lambs" or "The Shining" - WTactualF?!?!?! - They must have been paid to write the rubbish! The title should give you an indication that this is not a super epic or realistic film, and on that it clearly delivers. A typical SyFy film with over the top CGI, bad acting, poor story and impossible feats of reality and nonsense. As the title suggests, a mutated aquatic predator is on the loose. It's up to the local coast guard and scientists from a Puerto Rican Aquarium to stop it before the kill count rises. Along the way you'll get the usual, and expected pointless deaths and tongue in cheek dialogue delivered in an all too camp way. A follow-up to "3 Headed Shark Attack" which won't ruin your cinema/TV movie experience if you miss it and don't bother. If you are a fan of tacky shark based films you'd probably be better looking at "Sharknado". I knew what to expect before watching this and still it failed to deliver any real enjoyment, just anther SyFy Shark film jumping on the bandwagon of an over populated shark infested water of films. I won't leave spoilers, I'll save them for the Goofs section instead because there were loads of mistakes throughout, but FTR the shark does have 5 heads, it just isn't apparent till half way through because of bad editing, or because the production team only decided to add a fifth 5th head halfway through editing FFS. 2 out of 10 and that's being generous!!

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