Immortally Yours (2009) Reviews

• Immortally Bored.

  dagonseve2009-04-30

  Sometimes I ponder the intricacies of the horror genre after watching a really solid title, and I'm grateful to relate to the director's vision. I'm left wondering also, after experiencing a rather bland and boring attempt of a film - this is where Kiss of the Vampire makes its introduction, stage left. Vampire films can generally be cataloged by time period, ranging from the depiction of Nosferatu in the silent era, the classic Universal era with stars like Bela Lugosi, the many versions brought to you by Hammer, the vampire revival in the 1980s, and of course the more modern and up to date creatures made possible by films like Blade and Underworld. I could easily break down the in's and out's contained within each era to offer more insight, but the point I'm making is that with each re-telling of a vampiric story there are clearly defined categories. To make any artistic progress within the film industry we must look past these "definied categories" and strive to create something new and refreshing; this is not my quarrel with Kiss of the Vampire. The first thing I noticed that this film was devoid of was atmosphere...it has none. I must confess that I am no film major nor can I dazzle others with the industry's jargon and slang terms for motion blurs and set lighting. However, through the eyes of a common viewer and both a seasoned and appreciative horror fanatic, what hurts this film most was the lack of mood lighting. Each environment, in terms of lighting and emotion, is no different than the last. In my opinion, the romanticism that encompasses a vampire is part of what makes him/her so alluring. Why would the director choose to leave this out? A second observation of mine involved the cast...more importantly, the acting. I could not bring myself to get on board with what the actors/actresses were selling. Without describing the plot, there were too many instances where the dialogue seemed awkward and humiliating to sit through. You don't have to be an actor or actress to realize how certain lines need to be delivered and I can confidently say that none of them won me over. I conjured up a scenario in my head where the cast were handed a script with a blank title page, confusing them as to what film they were about to star in. If they had realized beforehand, they might catch onto the fact that the director had a vision of combining all of the stereotypical facets of a vampire, only to fall short and embarrass himself on each ensuing level. Another subject worth mentioning are the action sequences. To put it simply, they are painful to watch. I'm not sure which in particular I'd rather be ashamed of...the choreography, the visual effects, or audio elements present here. Whenever the camera pans over to the "clan" standing there, menacingly, I can't help but laugh hysterically because they look like a bunch of children at an elementary school Halloween party. This is precisely why you shouldn't cast actors or actresses into the role of a vampire unless they have at least SOME understanding of how to act. I've seen more impressive role playing in a college-based vampire film that I helped do makeup for - and here I thought THAT was amateur-level cinematography. In conclusion, vampiric cinema is one of my preferred sub-genres within the horror community. To see such a poor attempt at portraying them really disappoints me. This is 2009 - we've had nearly a hundred years worth, and then some, of sources to draw from to keep this legend alive. It seems as though Kiss of the Vampire chose to adhere to the more classical elements while incorporating a modern touch without making either interesting or unique enough. So why, do I ask, would you bother at all?

• Oh my gawd

  tonynelson772008-12-21

  This was one of the worst vampire movies of all time. A genre plagued by bad movies, this one is at the top. The dialogue was absolutely awful. It makes me sick that someone can read a script this bad and throw money at it when there are so many good ones out there struggling to get dimes. I am ashamed that I actually watched the whole thing. Some horrible vampire movies are awful in a good way, like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Where you laugh at the ridiculousness the whole movie. This piece of garbage you just shake your head constantly as to how anyone thought this was a good idea to write or produce. It truly boggles the mind. I think this may even be worse than Twilight and that is a bold statement.

• Vampires, Illuminati, Cops, and Bad Acting

  chuk992009-05-27

  A film such as this could only come out on DVD. The studio probably realized how bad it was and decided that it would crash and burn if it was released in the theaters. While some of the cast have been in decent films, most of the cast are wooden or sounding like they're reading cue cards. Most of the dialogue sounds amateurish and fake. The plot seems to be a composite of a few story ideas, with the hopes of making something stick (a cop story, a vampire romance, a conspiracy involving the poor man's version of the Illuminati. Unfortunately, none of it works. The main vampire, Alex, is boring, as is his love interest, Estelle. Since they can't act, it's not a big deal. Neither can the cops, or anyone else. Finally, when the closing credits are playing, the theme song, "Immortally Yours", is like ice picks to one's eardrums. Save your money and avoid this turkey.

• Boring and Lame Vampire Movie

  claudio_carvalho2013-07-13

  A pack of blood thirsty vampires attacks people in an American city. When their leader Alex Stone (Daniel Goddard) meets the mortal Estelle Henderson (Kat Hawks), they fall in love with each other and Alex seeks out her father, who is researching immortality, to ask him to be reverted to mortal again. The Illuminati Cartel is secretly sponsoring the researches since their leader Victor Price (Eric Etebari) wants to be immortal. Meanwhile, the vampire hunter Marshall Pope (Matthias Hues) arrives in the city to help the police to hunt down the vampires. "Kiss of the Vampire", a.k.a. "Immortally Yours", is a boring and lame low-budget vampire movie released direct-to-video on DVD with subtitles without synchronicity with the speech. The laughable story is a mixed bag of dull romance and a boring cartel story entwined with vampires that are staked on the stomach and dies. Further, the noisy vampires attack in pack, roaring like lions and moving their heads back and forth in a ridiculous way. The acting is awful, with wooden actors and actresses and the scenarios and locations are very poor. Last but not the least, there are many fake reviews in IMDb promoting this movie and luring the readers. You just need to click on the author and see when he joined IMDb and how many reviews he has written (only one). My vote is three. Title (Brazil): Not Available

• Amazing..........................ly bad

  Crimepunisher2009-07-21

  Immortally Yours had seemingly every opportunity to make a memorable horror film, filled with drama, suspense, romance, and action...the only problem this movie encounters is that none of these can be at all executed. The writing was so second-rate that most of the dialogue consists of a sentence or less, and often lines are repeated numerous times. The actual plot doesn't seem to take form until about an hour in where we understand that among several 2-dimensional protagonists there are apparently three factions warring for apparently no reason. The Illuminati is a multi-national crime syndicate that can't seem to execute a single drug deal without being thwarted by cops moving at snail's pace. The Vampires too seem to be adept at screaming but possess little to no fighting abilities, seeing as how most of them are killed while standing still mouth-agape staring at their attackers. And then there's the police....no idea why they have such a big role but apparently they've inserted undercover Cop Clowns in seedy vampire nightclubs. If you turn to Immortally Yours hoping for a well-done horror flick I'm afraid you may find yourself disappointed. While the camp manages to stimulate a few laughs it cannot manage to atone for the movie's innumerable ridiculous mistakes.