Red Dawn (2012) Reviews

• The Top Thirty-Nine Things I Learned from 2012's Red Dawn

  thesar-22013-06-27

  1. It never rains in Washington State. Ever. 2. While it may seem like a good idea at the time to challenge someone older, double your size and obviously a marine, you might want to think twice when that someone has also played the god, Thor. 3. North Korea certainly picked the most opportune time to invade: every single United States Military Member was either on vacation or retired. 4. Hemsworth seems to like visiting cabins in the woods in 2012. Sadly, this one didn't pan out for him like the last one. 5. While escaping a North Korean concentration camp bent on converting Americans to their lifestyle, it is necessary to run with a randomly and implausibly available American flag to show patriotism in a film that states America abandons its citizens at the first sign of trouble. 6. One U.S. missile is used to shoot down just one of the thousands of invading planes and a solitary cop car is on the rescue. Why am I paying taxes again? 7. Planes flying overhead and troops parachuting down somehow, and miraculously, simulate earthquake tremors that wake our heroes. 8. Incredibly, rabbit ears still work. And, if you believe that lie, listen to the news. 9. Daryl, played by Conner "Tom" Cruise, has a black father. That's gotta raise some questions. 10. An Independence Day speech about "home" does not hold up today. 11. One "asshole and his buddy" can easily take off with all the food that would feed a dozen kids, indefinitely, while the North Koreans set up shop. 12. After ruthlessly invading another country and telling its citizens they are there to install morals, somehow people listen. If only it weren't for those meddling kids… 13. When in seclusion in a mine shaft, cellphone batteries last for weeks, while my own needs charging every couple of hours. 14. Silently leaving to go grab a beer can be as deadly as crying out: "I'll be riiiiight back." 15. When one resistance member causes the death of another to save his ungrateful, useless and blonde girlfriend he calls "family," all is forgiven by the fallen's girlfriend with a simple, two-finger peace sign. 16. And, it's socially acceptable to abandon and endanger the rest of the victims on a makeshift prison bus to rescue said dumb blonde, as long as it's all about "true love." 17. Cramming an entire season of Walking Dead and Falling Skies into one 90-minute movie makes you wish for an invasion…of any kind. 18. Getting shot in the stomach and leaving the bullet intact can't possibly lead to anything bad. 19. Hotwiring cars is a snap in movies. 20. Tossing trash cans blindly over a fence will always produce the desired car alarm distraction. 21. When no one notices two "terrorists" leaving a business, it's reasonable to assume the invaders will automatically find the culprit who aided their escape… 22. …And when the bad guys do locate that person and stage a public execution, it's further plausible that our heroes will know the exact location of the killing and thwart the assassination in perfect harmony. 23. Subway® restaurants stay fresh while America is invaded. 24. When robbing said Subway® restaurant, combining all fountain drinks into one bucket that's probably used to either mop the floor or gather the puke of unsatisfied Subway® customers, makes soldiers smile instead of puke, themselves. 25. Thinking of luring those North Korean soldiers into an alleyway for an amateur ambush? Fear not: no one for a mile will hear you discharge multiple machine guns. In an echoing alley. With more guards nearby. 26. Trying to remove a truck out of mud? It's always best to have the strongest behind the wheel while the weaklings push. 27. Hating kids that are able to blindly leap down three stories and not die by either the fall or two armed guards at their descent is supposed to be funny. I guess. 28. Aimlessly wandering and retired military men fill the damnedest of plot holes. Unsuccessfully, but still. 29. If Tom Cruise believes "it worked for Will Smith" when he also attempted to make his own son a star in Red Dawn, he's probably just jumping on another couch. 30. An EMP can apparently shut down not only the country's entire electrical system, but also the whole U.S. government, armed forces, police, firemen, ambulances, backup systems, 911, missiles, defenses and satellites over a thousand miles up. But, it has no effect on cars, radios or radio stations. 31. Also, in time, electronics come back online, but all the satellites seem to have drifted off to some neighboring galaxy. I suppose. 32. Without explanation, other than to hurry up the movie, a villain can produce the exact location of the heroes' hideout without satellites, scouts, intel or previous plot-hole characters directing them. 33. Remaking a cult-hit takes balls. Admitting defeat = iron balls. 34. North Korean's fully gassed military vehicles can be folded nicely into soldier's backpacks and used, instantaneously, when they land. 35. Adding Shia LaBeouf's signature line, "Go!Go!Go!" to your script makes one almost want to press stop and plug in Transformers. Almost. 36. When selecting a rebellion name, one shouldn't pick their own obvious school mascot when trying to avoid detection. Especially when it takes 15 minutes to spray-paint the name on a wall. 37. "Killing the lights" in an isolated cabin in no way makes the place suspicious to the enemy. 38. Ending a chaotic and clichéd climax inside the very work cubicle of the two main character's murdered father, isn't just lazy and predictable, it's sad and inadvertently, hilarious. 39. Hawkeye Pierce would've solved this crisis in less than a 2-parter episode. After a few martinis, of course.

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• Bad doesn't begin to describe how terrible this action movie is – illogical, nonsensical and just plain dumb, this Dawn deserves never to see the light of day

  moviexclusive2012-11-19

  There are big, loud and dumb movies, and then there are movies like 'Red Dawn', which deserve to belong to a category in themselves for being sheer stupidity magnified. The fact that this was in fact a remake of a 1984 movie that starred the likes of Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Charlie Sheen and Jennifer Grey is no excuse for how blatantly silly the premise is – if you're looking to give it another go, the least you can do is to try to make it better. For those who have not heard of that John Milius picture, its essential conceit was how a ragtag group of teens become a formidable resistance force when their peaceful community is suddenly attacked by an occupying force. The Russians were the ones unfortunate enough to be vilified then – not surprising given the lingering Cold War fears – but writers Carl Ellsworth and Jeremy Passmore have made the North Koreans the invaders this time round, though any real world relevance the opening sequence of edited news footage might suggest the movie would have is quickly thrown out of the window barely ten minutes into the film. After briefly introducing the audience to the pair of brothers – the newly returned Iraq War veteran Jed Eckert (Chris Hemsworth) and his hot-headed younger brother Matt (Josh Peck) – the North Koreans are literally dropped into the movie. Waking up the rumble of explosions, Jed and Matt are horrified to discover that the sky is dotted with North Korean bombers and scores of soldiers are parachuting into the town in a hostile takeover attempt. If it already sounds unconvincing as we are describing it to you, trust us when we tell you it looks even more ridiculous on screen. Are we supposed to believe that within the span of one night, the North Koreans have suddenly made their way halfway across the globe to attack America? Are we supposed to believe that they could have come with all that firepower? And worst of all, are we supposed to even buy into the fact that they would even bother about a small town called Spokane? Sure, we would willingly suspend our disbelief for a movie that bothers to make sense; but 'Red Dawn' makes no such attempt, and utterly baffles in how it thinks it can get away with such an absurd setup. Does it get better along the way? Absolutely not. Seeing his father executed before their eyes, Jed comes to the conclusion that they need to prepare for war – and just like that, he becomes training commander of a young team of rebels who call themselves the 'Wolverines'. They learn to fight, to shoot and to hide, all in the name of preparing to wage an urban guerrilla campaign against the North Koreans who have taken over their town with their arsenal of soldiers, jeeps, and tanks. And when they are finally ready, Matt decides to undermine their plans by scuttling off to rescue his girlfriend Erica (Isabel Lucas), thereby igniting a brotherly conflict between the rational and responsible Jed and the impulsive and impetuous Matt. What a pathetic attempt at trying to make us care about two stock types who frankly are just in the movie so we have the good guys – the same goes for bringing Toni (Adrianne Paliki) and Erica into the fray and building some sort of romantic links between Jed and Matt respectively. Even if we accept the tradeoffs in plot and character most B-movies would have their audience make, the least director Dan Bradley could have done is to mount some decently shot action sequences. That is precisely Bradley should have done with his cameraman Mitchell Amundsen – shoot him point blank. Clearly trying too hard to emulate the 'Bourne' films to lend the action a sense of urgency, the shaky camera-work is downright frustrating to watch, and even more so because the sequences – especially the final one set within a huge circular room fronted on all sides with glass windows – are pretty promising to begin with. No thanks to its abundant flaws, the movie also wastes its promising young cast. Hemsworth has good presence as the smart leader of the team (he takes over Patrick Swayze's role in the original), while Josh Hutcherson (who played Peeta in 'The Hunger Games' and here is in C. Thomas Howell's role) brings naivety and temperance to the role of Robert Kitner, a bookish type who turns warrior because of circumstance. Less convincing is Peck, who mostly just looks too stoned to convey any sort of inner dilemma his character is supposed to face. Nonetheless, the acting is the least of the flaws in a movie that is painfully illogical and utterly nonsensical. Its invasion scenario might have been able to fly with an audience in the '80s, but to try to transplant the same premise to today's context is just plain daftness. Ironically, there are some moments that appear to suggest that the filmmakers are wise enough to know not to take the movie too seriously – but those moments fade away as soon as the next unabashed war-mongering scene arrives. Don't get us wrong – this isn't about whether we love B-action movies or not. We do, but it is movies that insult the intelligence of its audience that we truly detest, and 'Red Dawn' is one perfect example of that. Watch only if you need to understand the meaning of stupid.

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• A parody at best

  brunogronow-12013-02-20

  I'm sure this movie shows more or less how it looked when US forces dropped in to say hello in Iraq and Afghanistan. The 30 year old teenagers in this movie throw out mercilessly sub par dialog like "This is not their land. This is our back yard and we're going to fight for it," or "they killed our father, we have to fight or die." I'm sure that's what they said in Fallujah too when good ol' George W. sent his invading army to destroy their country. Aaameeerica, Aaameeerrrrriiiicaa!! God save them all, they do make me laugh and cry at the same time. Enough has already been said in previous reviews about the wildly idiotic plot and lazy directing. Rather get the 1984 version. At least it had some heart in it, though the plot was just as ludicrous, playing on the strange fear of communism America has always fostered. One more thing! Modern movies (this one being no exception) way overuse the lazy technique of compressing together various sorts of character growth sequences into a few minutes. It's very annoying and shows a lack of skill on everyones part.

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• waste of time

  sanookdee2013-01-07

  I was not going to talk about this moving until I saw one of the actors interviewed on CNN. He talked about making it better than the original because today's audiences are more sophisticated that they were 30 years ago and need a better story and acting. Please, this movie is full of special effects and CGI, the acting is sub par and, it's just a bad, bad movie. If this movies shows anything, it's that Hollywood has no respect for audiences and just recycles an old movie, loads it with pretty faces and special effects, makes it PC and throws it out at audiences. Seems that every year, Hollywood throws out trash like this, fills it with CGI and special effects, lot's of fires and explosions and calls it "art". A complete waste of time unless you are a male in his early teens. if a movie could get 0 stars, that's what I would give this movie. It will be in the bargain bin at Walmart for .49 Even at this price, it's not worth the money.

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• It's God Awful

  dbupte-537-273422012-11-23

  Honestly you are better off going to North Korea than seeing this poor excuse of a movie. Honestly I wish N. Korea would invade us just so they could stop the distribution of this awful film. It is a shame that this movie was made in Michigan, not exactly a boost to our rep. I have no idea why they chose Josh Peck for one of the male leads. He makes Hayden Christiansen look like Marlon Brando in his prime. Now that I think about it, I might even have to suggest seeing that new Twilight instead of this. I know that's pretty extreme, but trust me it's really that bad. It also makes sense that this was filmed back in 2009 and just now is being released. In hindsight, the studio should've just cut its losses and canned this thing for good. The one positive is perhaps it will cause people to watch the original film from the 80's which is actually watchable.

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