X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) Reviews

• Painful

  colby_park2006-06-16

  The final arc in the X-Men franchise has finally landed. Let me start this review by saying that X2 was and is a hard act to follow. In my humble opinion, it might be the best comic book movie ever made. Even Bryan Singer would have had a hell of a time topping that bad boy. So does X-Men 3 live up to the hype? The short answer is, of course, no. There are some extremely fundamental problems with this film's script which should have been addressed long before one bit of celluloid started to roll. The story opens with flashbacks of a young Jean being recruited to the school by a young Xavier and Magneto. This scene lulled me into a feeling that maybe this would be an awesome movie. The next scene, a young Warren Worthington trying in vain to slice off his wings, also works well. However, when his character amounts to little more than a glorified cameo, this scene becomes completely pointless. We're led to believe that this is a character we should care for, and then he gets tossed out almost immediately. After the set up we are thrust into the meat of the story. The X-Men are still reeling from Jean Grey's sacrifice in X2 and are training a new group of muties to fill out the leather uniforms. We get to see precious little of them working as a team, however. I thought the point of a team story was to show how they interact? Apparently, along with Halle Berry's upgraded role came the stipulation that she can only share the screen with one mutant at a time. Since most people are familiar with the plot line here's a super-short rundown. Magneto and X-Men clash and a small war breaks out. There's a mutant cure and a few members die. Boredom ensues. I've never felt so utterly detached from a movie. It could have to do with the overdone musical score, terrible dialog, or countless errors and goofs. It's a movie that utterly ruins a perfectly viable franchise. I felt pained after watching this. WHAT WORKED- Multiple Man! This guy had like two minutes of total screen time, but he ruled both of them. He's a cocky, sarcastic mutant who is literally his own best friend. I learned more about him in two lines than I did from Storm in three movies. - Iceman/Pyro. I've always loved the way these two interact, from the first hint of rivalry in X-Men to the museum scene in X2. My only complaint was that there is no real resolution. Iceman head-butts Pyro, end of story. The entire fight was in the trailer. If there had just been a few more seconds of dialog, or perhaps a Pyro death scene, this would have been perfect. - Beast (sometimes.) Kelsey Grammar did a fine job. I dug his look and overall approach to Beast. The scene in which he meets Leech is very well done. -Fastball Special. Any comic geek will tell you that this is a classic comic book moment which is a joy to see in action. WHAT DIDN'T WORK-Halle Berry. We get it, you're a star. Get over yourself and share the stage with someone else. Miss Berry may be an Oscar winner, but she also did Catwoman. In my opinion, two movies with storm was enough, kick her ass out and bring back... -Cyclops. Hey, here's an idea! Let's take the X-Men team leader and emotional anchor of the phoenix storyline and kill him off in ten minutes so storm can do more. Yeah, that worked real well. If his death had served a purpose I wouldn't have minded. But it seemed to me that they were killing him off just to punish James Marsden for doing Superman Returns. -Juggernaut, Bitch! Wow, talk about misused. juggernaut is a cool character and I love Vinnie Jones, but that is quite a miscast part. And he spends most of the movie looking mad and making stupid one-liners. And his big finish? Hitting his head on a wall! -Beast (Mostly.) The hook for Beast in the movie is that he's conflicted. When he first sees what Leech is capable of there is a beautiful moment where we can see his conflict. Then, like nothing has happened, he makes his choice and stands with the X-Men. That was wrapped up way too easily. ERRORS/PLOT HOLES -In X2 the phoenix entity was fiery and red when Jean accessed it. In this one she just turns dead looking...how's that work? - The X-Men fly from New York to San Fransisco very quickly. This is, I guess, plausible because they have a super-sonic blackbird jet. However, Angel shows up in the thick of the fight as well. We can assume he wasn't on the jet because they didn't show him. Are we to believe that with his little feather wings he can fly the same speed as the blackbird? - Magneto is shown playing chess all by his lonesome in the park at the conclusion of the movie. This plot hole was so huge I didn't even pick up on it at first. Shouldn't he be, like, IN JAIL!? They spend half the movie looking for him, then when the entire U.S. army is only feet away from him, and he loses his power, he is somehow able to slip away? **Here's the grand-daddy plot hole of them all** -Jean has such a powerful mutation that she cannot control it. She claims the only way to stop her is to die, as she is constantly begging Logan for death. However, her power is a result of mutation and in the movie they have rendered a cure for that. You see where I'm going with this? Why don't you geniuses just cure her? That is the epitome of crappy writing. How a plot hole that big even made it into a second draft of the script is mind boggling.

• How to ruin a trilogy.

  yesfan-12006-05-25

  Last night I went to watch the German premiere of what I hoped would be the triumphant finale in the X-Men trilogy. I had purposefully ignored all early reviews and news about the film, I didn't even know that Bryan Singer had left the project - believe me, after ten minutes of the movie, I knew he had. I won't bother to go into the story here, as in fact, there are almost five or six story lines from the comics collapsed into this movie, none of them working at all. It almost seems as if three different movies had been made and then just cut together. Jean Grey as Phoenix is so badly developed that it amounts to an insult to any fan of the comic book. During the final battle she just stands around in the background for -literally- twenty minutes until she decides to annihilate San Francisco, obviously for the sole purpose of creating a "cool" FX sequence. To see just how much the production team obviously disrespects the intelligence of the audience, watch how day turns to night from one shot to another after Magneto moves the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz. My jaw dropped at witnessing such a massive continuity error. Brett Ratner obviously has no love or respect whatsoever for the comics or even the previous films, as is displayed by the following creative disasters that riddle this movie: The list goes on and on. This movie is the sudden demise of what Brian Singer turned into one of the great franchises and I can only imagine how he must feel at seeing what the producers are willing to do for a quick buck. Anybody who liked the first two movies, likes the comic book, or has any respect for decent film-making - I ask you to save your ten bucks and not hand it to the makers of what is a failure of character and creativity in every respect. Thanks for reading.

• Just BAD

  Frankie_Wilde2006-06-21

  This contains spoilers, but nevermind since the movie is bad and you shouldn't go see it. There were two good things about X-Men III. First, we arrived a bit late so I actually missed all the advertisements. Second, at one point in the movie they show a family trapped in a car in front of Magneto and his army of mutants, and the woman actually locks the car thinking it's going to make a difference. That would have made me smile if I hadn't been busy listing the best ways to kill the movie director at that point. I don't even know where to start, so I'll begin with how Brett Ratner deals with the characters. Cyclops is killed. Professor Xavier is killed. Jean Grey is killed. Mystique is now a human. Rogue is now a human. Magneto is now a human (although a little doubt remains, see "the worst ending sequence in the history of mankind" paragraph). Now you may be wondering "who the hell remains except for Wolverine and Storm" (you may also be wondering why Ratner is still living)? Well, Director Stupid introduced a new group of totally uninteresting mutants, with absolutely no personality. Juggernaut and Multiple Man agree to join Magneto not knowing who he is or wtf he is planning to do. Kitty Pride looks like she's twelve, Angel is apparently only in the movie for advertisement purposes (he has almost as much screen time as in the trailer), Callisto is the needed 'ghetto' black character (seriously, listen to how she speaks... or don't, actually don't), there was even some emo/Gothic girl, I'm still trying to figure why Magneto didn't slap her for getting that haircut. Beast first appears as a scholar then fights with the other X-Men at the end, not much to say about him. Wait, there's not much to say about any of those characters except "die in a fire". That brings us to the actual plot and storyline. When a sad Cyclops tells Wolverine "Not everyone heals as fast as you do", I knew this movie was going to suck. I can easily imagine the writers patting each other in the back for three hours after finding that line. Way to go, too bad everyone in the audience almost puked when he said that. Anyway, Cyclops dies like a punk less than twenty minutes into the movie, and guess what we don't even see his death. Apparently they felt they were going the right way since the script just keeps getting worse. I guess they tried to bring in as many things from the comics as possible and mix them, but instead of actually developing each element they rushed the movie (it's one hour forty minutes long), which ruined everything. Rogue taking the cure is not exploited enough, Jean turning into the Phoenix is a big joke, she just stands there doing nothing after Magneto recruits her. She eventually decides to annihilate the universe at the end, which is a pathetic excuse for a thirty-seconds FX sequence. When she asks Wolverine "Are you willing to die for them?", he answers "I'm willing to die for you". Any writer that comes up with such a line should be shot dead. No trial, just shot. Don't even get me started on Xavier's death or the fact that there are no flames around the Phoenix (Jane), they couldn't even get the stupid flames right. What the hell does she do anyway? Make confettis? Can her power look any less impressive? "Oh no, she's making confettis, nevermind that Magneto just made the Golden Gate Bridge levitate and let's RUN FOR OUR LIVES!!". The only good thing about her is that she killed the emo/Gothic guy. Pyro is a stupid arrogant kid, who keeps acting tough because he can throw flames. Wow, you were born with your power and you can actually use it, that's like bragging about knowing how to walk. Get a job elsewhere than in a circus and I might be impressed. He can't even use his power properly, I mean he ignites cars thrown by Magneto. Maybe next time you could actually think of, I don't know, throwing fire AT YOUR ENEMIES and not at stupid flying cars? Everything is so rushed that you stop caring anyway. The worst ending sequence in the history of mankind: The ending sequence features Magneto sitting at a chess table in a park. Now Magneto only started a mutant vs human war, ruined the Golden Gate Bridge, launched an attack on the Alcatraz Island that resulted in the complete destruction of the place and the death of dozens of soldiers, you'd think he'd maybe get a little prison time. But no, apparently everyone is happy in stupid land, they all kissed and hugged and he's forgiven. But that's not the worst thing, we also actually see Magneto move a chess piece without touching it, meaning that his power is not completely gone, meaning that EVERYTHING IS MAYBE NOT OVER! Arggghhhh, stop it already! It was announced that this would be the last X-Men movie (and believe me, it's for the greater good), end it like a man and don't imply something else might happen. Magneto is free and his power is not completely gone. WTF has changed since the beginning of the movie except that the X-Men have lost so many members that they have to fight with twelve-year-olds and Magneto doesn't have stupid Pyro following him anymore? The credits come up directly after we see the piece moving, with a sound supposed to make you go "wow!". Well I did go "wow!", and by "wow!" I mean "let's hunt Ratner down and send him to the one place where he belongs", which is the nearest black hole. X-Men 3 is terrible, don't go see it.

• Terrible Let Down of the Year

  xmanconti2006-05-23

  I just left a sneak preview for this movie and I could not be more disappointed. The only people that will enjoy this film are the ones that know absolutely nothing about the X-Men. Shame on Avi Arad and Lauren Shuler Donner for allowing this terrible representation to be completed and released. After watching the first two X-Men films, I was positive this would be amazing, mind-blowing, and above and beyond any fan's expectations. Instead it did not even try to meet those expectations. Please do not continue to read if you do not want to read about details of the film. There is one redeeming quality for this movie: Storm is actually powerful. Took them long enough to use her character properly. I don't know whose idea it was to try and cram everything they possibly could into one film, but it really should have been reconsidered. The Danger Room finally appears, but only for a few minutes and there is no mention of its name, or purpose. In this scene a Sentinel is destroyed, but again no mention of why they are fighting a giant robot, or what it is called. Next, the entire Phoenix story should have been ignored for this film. Jean Grey returns only to be a fireless Phoenix that resembles a psychotic demon rather than an all-powerful goddess. Not only is her return repulsive, but she kills Cyclops almost immediately in the film. Although I understand this cannot follow the comic book exactly, something that should not change is that Jean Grey's love for Cyclops is what gives her the strength to overcome the Phoenix and ultimately take her own life. In the film, Wolverine kills Jean Grey/Phoenix, even though in the comics his character's love for Jean Grey prevented this action. Not to mention earlier in the film Phoenix tossed Wolverine around like a rag doll, but could not take him down at the end of the movie. At least they could have pitted Storm against the Phoenix in the finale, but instead we are left with another stabbing. This movie attempts so much, but accomplishes so little. It introduces Angel, whose part is almost nonexistent. Why did I see him in a million promo shots of him wearing a X-Men uniform, but not once does he wear it in the film? They should have just killed Rogue. She is the only X-Men member that seeks out the "cure". It's bad enough her character's powers resembled nothing of her comic book counterpart, but did they really have to take away what little power she had? Does this film ever say Shadowcat, Colossus, Psylocke, Angel, Beast, Danger Room, Sentinel, or Multiple Man? If it does it is very quick and quite lacking in explanation. It's oddly insulting because you have to be a fan to know who the characters are, but the story and world has been altered so much it creates frustration knowing this will be the best representation of these characters in the film world. The only way this film would work is if another one was coming out next week to portray Phoenix correctly, reconsider who lives and dies, reverse the cure, and actually identify key characters and elements by their names. This could have been one of the best movies ever made. The stories of the X-Men are identifiable, spectacular, and emotionally charged. This falls flat as just a summer special effects film with some creepy parts.

• Talk About Finality!!!!!

  haden49-12006-10-08

  My god! I wept as I left the cinema, not because I was overwhelmed by a cinematic masterpiece,...no. I wept because I wasted 6 quid on a ticket to see this travesty. It seems of late, that all to often these forums are being choked up with the same old flannel "well, it could have been better..." DAMN RIGHT! being of an age that was perfect for growing up reading the X-Men comics and stoically following the cartoon series, I was gob-smacked to see such a complete air of finality in this film. Sure, i'm not condemning the whole film because there were a few nuggets of pure gold (ie Kelsey as beast was superb.) But Jean Gray popping out of the water a year after her 'death'? Further more, why kill off cyclops. We all know that Pheonix is an unstable character but even when Pheonix is in control, Jean still manages to retain her consciousness. She proceeds to turn Xavier into confetti...yeah, great just wipe out one of the pivotal characters why don't you! The whole film unfortunately, seemed to convey the message that...."Thats it folks, the X-Men are dead and buried after this one!" Talk about finality! As for character development, there was very little of that. I mean, great, have juggernaut but hello!!!!!! what about the tiny fact that Cain Marko is Xaviers half brother!!!!! there's a good plot opener in itself. There's a myriad of characters out there that could have been roped into this story plot but ultimately, I can accept that the film has to be of an acceptable length but please......start putting some effort into these screenplays! Here's an idea. 1. have Jean return with the newly surfaced Phoenix but why not have Scott discover that shes actually alive and recovering in a hospital somewhere after shes been found in the lake... 2.have Xavier discover the family link with juggernaut and utilise that fact to put some additional serious tension in the story... 3.have Rouge retain her powers and tell iceman where to get off! Rogue's supposed to grow into one mean hard-ass bitch! 4.Great, you remembered beast this time,but where the hell is Gambit??????? A few hindsight ideas that may (or may not) have worked well. All in all, I can honestly say that I thought this made a truly disappointing anticlimax to what could have been Marvel's answer to The lord of the rings.